Sitting on the bench in my compound, I heard a knock at the gate. I quickly stood up with a smile on my face, glad that my friend who earlier called was already around. With excitement, I hopped along to open the gate for her but I was surprised!

I didn’t understand what was going on. I was wondering in my mind what could have been the reason for the gloomy and sad face. 
Immediately, I tapped her back as she sat down lost in thoughts and couldn’t even say hi. Been my jovial self, I said, ore mi (in english means my friend) what is the matter? Why are you looking sad and lost in thoughts? 
Before I could say anything else, She burst out in tears. I began consoling her asking what’s wrong? Although it took a while, she finally put her self together and told me the reason why she was crying.
Tunde who happens to be her boyfriend and the guy she was dating called her to break up with her over the phone. I was shocked because I always saw them as the perfect couple or at least that’s what she made me believe.
With so much curiosity, I had to ask what happened. She began the story which ended up with Tunde accusing her of cheating on him on the basis of a supposed whatsapp chat with a male friend when he went through her phone.
After so many questions and conversations we had, I got to discover that this wasn’t the first time such had happened. To her she was been open meanwhile to him she was cheating. Obviously, there was a lack of trust and poor communication!
This is just one of many stories and experiences I have come across on relationships. Today, I shall be talking about the 5 spices of a relationship. By spices, I am referring to the things that a relationship needs to grow and survive. Let’s check them out!

1. TRUST: This is the most important spice in any relationship. No matter the amount of love in the relationship, without trust there will always be insecurities and doubts which are unhealthy for a relationship. Do you always doubt your partner? Do you always feel the need to know where your partner is at everytime or who he/she is speaking to at everytime? This are some pointers to lack of trust. Any productive relationship needs TRUST!

2. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION: This is one of the life wires of a relationship. A lot of times, when a relationship is beggining to fall apart, the first thing that you get to notice is that the level of communication between both parties drop drastically. This goes to show it’s importance. You have to communicate at all times (of course, not every second but at a reasonable rate). Do you call to check up on each other at regular intervals during the day? Do you drop a text or whatsapp message just to say hi? Do you talk about things your partner does that you don’t like or expect in the relationship? There has to always be effective communication on all matters and at all times. This is non-debateable.

3. TOLERANCE: The reality of life is that you will never find the perfect partner and by never I mean never. There will always be something you don’t like or something more that you want. With this in mind, you need to know the things you can tolerate and this should guide your decision on who to date because everyone is different. Never think that you can change a person, instead tolerate and if you can’t, don’t bother going into that relationship because you will always complain and nag. Whatever it might be; drinking, smoking, snoring etc. Although there are things that should be never be tolerated such as abuse either physical, emotional or sexual.

4. RESPECT: Both parties in a relationship need to respect each others privacy, values and wants. One should not make the other feel less valued or unimportant.

5. EMPATHY: Both parties need to appreciate each other’s feelings without loosing sight of whose feelings belong to who. A lot of persons keep saying I LOVE YOU but I ask how many of us actually show it. You don’t nescessarily have to buy him/her the most expensive things, a simple gesture such as a listening ear, a movie night, a poem, a smile when he/she is sad, a text goes a long way.

So here you have it! There are so many spices for a relationship but these are my top 5!

Feel free to drop other spices you feel are important as well in the comment box below.

I hope you have learnt a thing or two. Watch out for my next post on saturday which would be looking at the 5 poisons of relationships.

Have an amazing week.

NB: Please note that the name used in this post, in no way refers to any person living or dead.

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